March 17, 2016

two years.


i remember the day, well week-long almost, like it was yesterday. it sure feels like yesterday. how i spent the week on bedrest at the hospital, facebook messaging your daddy overseas, watching endless amounts of FX Marvel movies and missing our puppy. i wasn't expecting to have a son that day, we were hoping to you'd stay for a couple weeks longer.

now as i type this you are crawling all over me, asking for milk and to read your tractor book. you have such a personality now, it's fun to watch you grow, learn and catch onto more words and body language. you play with matchbox cars, tractors and farm animals the most, and sometimes i find you quietly driving them off the side of the couch for over 15 minutes straight.

most dinners incude hot dogs and a stick of cheese by request. you have found the glorious wonders of that is ketchup. if we had the option, we would play outside in the dirt until the sun goes down and even after. every morning i wake to you singing your own songs, reciting colors and phrasing back and sometimes counting to four.

taking our shoes off at the end of the day, is a full-blown toddler meltdown. and your rainboots or cowboy boots have been worn plenty of times to bed at night because mom doesn't want to try to even reason with you. daddy is your biggest play-mate and momma is always requested when help is needed.

we both can't believe you are two. it's crazy how fast time has flown, as we always say. but i keep having flash-forwards to you driving away with your license and graduating high school. it won't be too far off. until then we will enjoy your cuddles at night with your beloved "raggy" rocking you to sleep and watch you grow into the well-respected/ful boy we hope you'll become.

January 9, 2016

one year ago


this weekend, my husband and i were cuddled up on the couch watching a TV series, i admittedly got him hooked on. the last episode of the season showed a newborn baby birth at a hospital and i started to tear up. usually he just makes fun of me at how emotional i get sometimes (almost all the time) watching movies or shows. but this time he brought me in and squeezed me tight. i started to sob. it's been almost two years and it's still hard knowing that he missed out on our son's birth being away on deployment. it's a "one of life's greatest moments" and it had to be shared by FaceTime. although i am thankful for that, it still doesn't make up for not being there in person.

seeing your 3lb baby for the first time. finally holding his tiny little body days later. spending those long nights in the NICU with other moms & dads for about a month while recovering from a c-section. he missed out on all those moments we could have shared together. so i sobbed in his arms for longer than i imagined i would. i'm not sure if those feelings will ever get any easier but glad that he has been home with us for exactly a year now. watching our son grow up into a toddler, and sharing new moments together. like this afternoon: he had said "i love you" to him and Beau responded back "i love you". normally when i ask him i normally get a "muah" response. but with daddy he gets the real thing. moments i love to watch, remember and hopefully make up for past memories missed out on.