as i share my excitement in having my husband present for my 20 week appointment and seeing his reaction to seeing our baby up on the monitor, i can't help but feel sad. sharing these moments together with fellow bloggers on instagram and dear friends. news arose that one momma-to-be lost her babe this week (sharing the same due-date week as mine). i can't even fathom the idea of losing your little one this far into a pregnancy. i know there are no words that can ever make up for it and i wish in every way possible there was. here i am so excited to see our little one moving around and feel so guilty, while others are having to say goodbye. my heart aches. each and every day for them, and each and every day i thank the lord for another day of feeling a very active baby's kicks and punches in my stomach. i pray hard that it will still be there the next day after.
the lord works in mysterious ways, and i want to brag about all the excitement of find out our baby's gender and the fun of trying to keep it a secret, while the next thought in my mind is, what if the worse happens? what if the husband and i shouldn't have put up the baby crib already. we shouldn't have started to do this and that. it makes me cry long and hard, in wishing those same events would still be happening for other mothers-to-be. i pray for them, and hope time heals just a little bit of the wound left after their babe has left this earth, before it could even take it's first breath. i wish i could wrap my arms around each one of them.
this week i also had to say "see you soon" to the husband again, realizing that time is slowly getting closer to him leaving for many months. and as hard i push those thoughts to the back of my mind, they come back up to the front even harder with so much more emotions than before. am i really ready for this? i pray that i am, that i am given the strength to raise our child on my own for over 9 months without him. it's only going to get harder, as the days go by. i miss him already.
Can't believe you are half way through your pregnancy! Reading this post brought be back to so many memories and emotions that I had in my past pregnancies. Just know you are not alone. It's so hard knowing your husband is going to leave, but like you said, The Lord does not give us more than we can handle. He will give you the strength along the way! Praying for you sweet friend!
ReplyDeleteWow, you're already half way there. And I think having a baby to occupy you while he's gone will make time go faster.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to think that things might not work they way we expect. I remember being so nervous between each appointment that something would be wrong. I am sure your baby is healthy and striving though! Keep the excitement and enjoy each moment of this amazing miracle!
ReplyDeleteI know how your feeling. Seeing other moms go through the heartbreak of losing a child is so hard. I tried to keep those thoughts out of my mind but they always crept back in. I'm so happy for you and Chris and I can't wait to meet your little one. You are very right when you say The Lord works in mysterious ways, he also will not give you more then you can handle. Lots of love dear.
ReplyDeleteYay for 20 weeks! Hope you & your husband are able to soak up the time he has left with you & your bambino. Stay strong, miss Whit! xo
ReplyDeleteAw, I can't believe you are already half way there! So excited for you!!!! Now if only time could move faster so we can all "see" the little one ;)
ReplyDeletexo TJ
http://www.hislittlelady.com
I remember those stories and feelings of nothing but dread and worry during pregnancy, I hate to say it's 'normal' to hear and see it and feel awful, but also a reassuring one - you're going to be a good mama. If you didn't worry, there would be something wrong. I've done the solo mama thing because of deployments too, and oh man, those are no fun! But what a great time it will be settling into this new life and routine with a baby and before you know it, welcoming him home with babe on your hip! Keep your chin up doll, you've got this!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in labor with Emma there was a woman in the room next door to me also in labor except she lost her baby. Every birthday I think of that woman and her family. It's so hard to understand these types of things.
ReplyDeleteOh do I know the guilt that sets in all too well. All I can say is be happy lady. Be thankful. Avoid the worst thoughts. Sometimes it is far too easy to go down that rabbit hole. Just try not to. I can't believe you are already 20 weeks. Seems to be flying!
ReplyDeleteWow time is flying by!! Happy 20 weeks. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your friend's loss. That was always a fear of mine. Even after birth, it's scary to think that anything can happen to your baby. Try to stay positive. You're halfway there!
ReplyDeleteHaving Adri with John gone was honestly a breeze. Maybe because it was my second time, but I'm confident that you can do it!
halfway!
ReplyDeletePraying for your fellow friend, I've never been there so I can't say I know how it is. But Im positive its not a walk in the park at all. One of the hardest moments of a families life for sure.
ReplyDeleteSo happy for you babe, your doing great and half way there. Chin up and just remember keep yourself busy and time will fly.!!!!
Wow half way!!! So sad for your friend. I cannot imagine. :(
ReplyDeleteWow! Halfway, that's crazy!
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