April 24, 2014
i have never been so terrified to leave. it will just be myself, him and Harlee (our dog). no monitors. no other crying babies. no nurses. all alone in our house. we packed up all of his items, and i drove the hour drive home white knuckled. we made it safely and settled in. as i go to change his first diaper. i could smell it before anything. my first massive (almost blow-out) diaper change, i laugh and tell him jokingly "do not pee on momma". the next thing i know he has wriggled off his cover and i saw a stream of clear liquid just miss my face. thanks little man, for breaking mom in on our first day.
thankfully he has been a pretty good baby so far. and i think i have the NICU to thank for that because he eats when he wants, but it's normally every 3 and a half hours. which leaves me a good amount of time to catch some sleep, or naps really.
we went for his first doctor's appointment, which i had to drive him there by myself. terrified because he's so tiny in his car seat, that he may not able to breathe properly. i pulled over twice, on my 5 minute drive across town to the hospital. we made it just fine, i'm sure the more i drive with him the more it will be easier to do. but on a positive note, he weighed in at 5 lbs exactly! you can tell he is definitely filling-in in his face. i'm trying to imagine him as a normal 7 pound baby. even the fact that this saturday he will be a month old already. it's a crazy thought and time sure is flying.
the hardest part though, trying to be happy when i wish my husband could be home with us. to remember just how tiny our son once was, as he grows.