i may regret saying this, but i think i'm done with this newborn stage. i've had two more months than normal parents and i'm ready for the next stage. one that involved sleeping for more than two and half hours at a time. oh how i missed those pregnancy days of literally sleeping from 7:00pm until 7:00am. i forgot what it feels like.
i've become a bit bitter every time i see a photo of a daddy holding their child. i want that. more than anything, i want that extra set of hands. i want that help for the late night diaper change and screaming, hungry baby. i want someone to say "don't worry whitney, i'll take this shift. you get some rest." but i don't want that to be just anyone, i want that to be my husband. i want him to share in these "moments" where it feels like all you do each day is change him, feed him, he naps for what seems like 10 minutes and the cycle begins again. he won't get that chance. he won't know what it's like to hold him with just one arm, because those 8 pounds is still pretty light.
though i know we had it coming. i shouldn't have expected anything else. but i'd give anything for a day where i didn't have to worry about if i grabbed enough diapers and milk to get me through a errand trip. a day where i could walk down the beautiful aisles of target and not worry that i have to be back in time to let the dog out or find a place to warm his bottle. i miss those date night bike rides with my husband. i miss those late night movies we'd go watch as we stuffed our face full of peanut butter m&ms and root beer soda and not have to worry about when he'll have to eat next. though it may be selfish of me, i need, no i crave this time. but more than anything, it eats away at me that my husband doesn't get to have these same worries. all he can do is watch through a computer screen and listen to me complain day after day about this that and another. it's not easy. no one every said it would be. but i think if i had him here, things would be just a little different, a little more "easy".
You're completely right Whit. It would be easier if he was home. But until he is stay strong, ask for help and take care of yourself. I'm so impressed with how you're handling everything, and you have a beautiful baby to hold on to while your love is away. That is a miracle.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about being a single parent, but even as a team...it gets better. Slowly, but surely sleep will find you and your babe. I thought I would enjoy the newborn stage, but I didn't. Try not to be too hard on yourself, dirty dishes don't matter until they are growing things. There are other clothes to wear besides those that are dirty, and never, ever sell yourself short.
ReplyDeleteIf I lived closer I would be there for baby snuggles in a heartbeat! You can do it! You're a great momma.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you girl!!! Stay strong, I know that's easy said than done but that little guy needs you more than ever!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh girl I feel your pain. I thought that getting pregnant with baby#2 while he was deployed would be a good idea because he would "only miss me getting fat" oh was I wrong. To be honest anyway you look at it sucks. It's so hard for other people to understand unless they've experienced it. I actually hate when people say "idk how you do it" damn I ask myself that an a daily basis but I do it because I have to. I've learned that....enjoy the cuddly moments that you have with your little guy. The dishes can sit in the sink a little bit longer dinner might be a frozen pizza....again (I think I've cooked 5times since jan
ReplyDeleteI've let the laundry sit longer than it should and the puppies. Oh are poor poor puppies have been slightly neglected but they are always happy to play when we find time. Keep your head up and remember as hard as it is try to enjoy the moments when the LO are cute and cuddly and take naps as much as you can. :)
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs, love, and more hugs. You already know that I think you're so brave, so strong, and such a wonderful mommy. As the saying goes: this, too, shall pass. But until then, lean on your friends and family who want nothing but to see you happy. I'm only a text away and I'm sure we could find a night to come visit and leave Trevor at home with Harlee while you and I take Baby Beau for some CherryBerry... or, he and I will hang out with Harlee and Beau and you can get some precious Target time in. We love you!
ReplyDeleteYou are super mom. You are doing so great Whit. I wish I was closer and I would be there in a second for a sleepover to give you a break. Try and enjoy this little baby phase, before you know it it will be gone. But each day you are closer to Daddy being home. Keep your head up - you are strong and this will be an amazing story to tell Beau. He is so lucky to have you. XOXO
ReplyDeleteI get the bitterness, but in my own way. My husband is deployed on a sub--and it seems to be never ending since they keep getting extended. We only have plain text emails--no skype, facetime, photo attachments. Just words. I'm sad he's missing more than half of my pregnancy. I get bitter when other pregnant people post pictures with their spouse or even facetiming their spouse because it feels unfair. He should already be home and it hurts to have him miss out on all of this. But, you always provide me some perspective. You're being so strong going through this without your husband, and I admire and respect your strength. I truly can't even imagine what you're going through, and I know it's much harder than what I'm going through!
ReplyDeleteAlways thinking of you my sweet friend!!
ReplyDeleteOh sweet lady. Nobody expects for you to not complain. It isn't easy. Especially doing it alone. I give you mad props. You are so strong my dear. I know it isn't easy... but take it one day at a time.. as it is one day closer to your husband joining you with the day to day.
ReplyDeleteThe newborn stage is hard, I'd say it's even about survival. When A was a newborn, my house was never clean and and the laundry was never done, and that was with my husband home. Just do what you can to get by and leave the rest. Ask for help if you need to but don't worry about keeping up with everything. Slowly and surely, things will get better and you'll be able to find more time to do things and you'll get more sleep. Be patient with yourself and your baby. Parenthood is hard, period. Especially if you're doing it alone. Now A is almost a year old and I keep crying because I miss how little she was.
ReplyDeleteAww.. I'm sorry. It will definitely get easier as he gets a little older. For now, screw the dishes and laundry and whatever else needs to be cleaned, and take some time for yourself. You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteHugs sweet girl! It does get easier I promise {though I can't promise the sleepless nights get better} I'm here if you need help!
ReplyDeleteI obviously haven't been in your shoes, but I know that it must be hard. You can't do everything, so if you need to let things like laundry or cutting the grass go or hire someone to do the lawn for you (if that's a possibility) than you should. I'm sorry that your husband isn't there to help out or experience what it's like to have a new baby in the house. There's no other way to say it, it just plain sucks. I'll admit, I'm terrified of having Baby P and that's with my husband being around! I know life changes so dramatically and being responsible for someone else is daunting and pretty much terrifying to me.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great!! Single parenting is no easy feat and I often ask how women do it! It would make me a different person too!! Your hubby will be home before you know it, but that doesn't make it easier. Just try to make the most of it and know that this too shall pass! I don't know that it will get easier, but just a whole new set of challenges. How long until hubby is home?
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up doll!! Enjoy that sweet babe the best you can!
Thinking about you always. The sleep will come, the routine & schedule will get established & before you know it Chris will be home. I know my words don't make it any easier now, but know that you are a strong woman & you can do hard things. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou are right. It is much easier when both parents are around to help. It is hard to tackle it on your own especially the newborn stage. I have been there. There were nights I cried because I was so tired and all I wanted was to do something on my own. The newborn stage is hard. Do what you need to do to stay sane.
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