multiple

so i was informed that i haven't blogged much recently, from my husband of all people. honestly, the days seem to take forever during the day, but somehow the weeks fly by so quickly. don't know how that happens, but i can't complain. i am thankful to have this little guy to keep myself busy.

this week i have started to purge. going through each room in the house. getting rid of things i (we) haven't used in years. reorganize. something that my husband truly hates. he comes home and everything is completely moved around. but to me, it's all "exactly where it should be". i am notorious for that. i also went through all of little man's clothes. came across his preemie NICU clothing and couldn't believe he was ever that small. cliche right?

then it got me to thinking, i have been doing this whole mom thing for over 8 months now. and come early next year, it will be almost a year. how did i ever make it this far on my own? thankfully those sleepless nights are behind me. it was rough those first couple months, i won't lie. i could see how hard it would be with two parents, trying to find a routine that fits not only both of your lifestyles but also your newborns. but somehow, someway i made it through. and as i think about my future and dream of what it will be like, it's hard for me to see more kids. one was tough and when i talk to other families about having more than one child, they say it's "easier". but the way that "easier" is said, isn't like "oh yah it's a piece of cake. total walk in the park". it's more like "yes we have a little more knowledge from the first but every kid is different. exhausting still". i always dreamt of having 4 kids, let me say this was before we even had one. now, it's hard for me to put in a solid "yes" into any more. selfish? it sort of seems like that to me, but honestly things haven't stayed the same. raising a child is hard, and adding more stress, more worry, more diapers, more time, more sleepless nights in the mix just doesn't seem all that appealing to me right now.

there are some moms that are born to be moms of many. hats off to you! i thought i was one, but now i know i was totally wrong. there are moms who miss their children when their sleeping a room away. then there is me: who is thrilled to go to work BABY-free, even for a just day. being a (temporary) single parent is hard. kudos to all those who have done it before and still do today. it has put a whole different perspective on life for me. one that i want to live out to the fullest, just not sure how many littles will be tagging along next to us, is the picture i continue to fight over and over, in my mind.