March 11, 2015
a stronger understanding
this year has flown right past me and all i can think is: "i have kept a little human alive for almost an entire year." three hundred and sixty five days of non-stop attention, endless dirty/stinky/running up their back diapers, the constant pick-me-up's & put-me-down's and gaining great arm muscles that i never had before, those sleepless first nights where naps of 30 minutes were heaven to me. seeing my son grow has made me so grateful. watching him progress by growing in weight, seeing that first smile, hearing that first real laugh, watching him slowly communicate back to me with his hands. it has been rewarding. exhausting, but oh so rewarding.
to say this year was easy, would be a stretch of the imagination. pregnancy was not bad, but not so nice to me after, thank you lovely c-section. by the time i had my son, i was 32 weeks and i was ready. i don't have a clue how moms who went over the 40 weeks did it. good lord, i would have felt like a bowling ball and have to have had hired someone to roll me out of bed each morning. being away from my husband during this time and the ten months after our son made his arrival was sort of a blessing in disguise. it made the days go by quicker and soon those weeks would turn into months. although even after the two months that he has been home now from deployment, those were some of the hardest for me, i hate to admit. i had to give up total control. each day i had a plan, and no one was there to change my choice. it was hard to let go, give into that control and let him take over finally being a dad. but hearing those giggles (from both of them) during bath time at night, while i make a real dinner, is something oh so special. i need to realize that i am not made to do this alone, nor would i ever want to.
parenting is hard. making a baby is hard. there is a lot of things in life that my perception was so skewed before baby. i mean, i babysat all day before, how hard could it be? all of my friends and friends of friends having babies, i guess making one of our own can happen tomorrow if we want it to, right? so many new lessons, so many different feelings. from new parents i photograph listening to each story, for the love of my parents and realizing just how awesome they truly are. i built a strong understanding that each couple is different. nothing works the same way. each story is different and that doesn't mean one family has it easier than the next. my "hard' could have easily been someone's "easy" if they were in my shoes. each day i am reminded to not think so harsh, to give kindness to each person whether they seem to have deserved it or not because each family's life is completely different than mine. today could have been one of the worst or one of the best, in their eyes. who am i to really know?