January 9, 2016
one year ago
this weekend, my husband and i were cuddled up on the couch watching a TV series, i admittedly got him hooked on. the last episode of the season showed a newborn baby birth at a hospital and i started to tear up. usually he just makes fun of me at how emotional i get sometimes (almost all the time) watching movies or shows. but this time he brought me in and squeezed me tight. i started to sob. it's been almost two years and it's still hard knowing that he missed out on our son's birth being away on deployment. it's a "one of life's greatest moments" and it had to be shared by FaceTime. although i am thankful for that, it still doesn't make up for not being there in person.
seeing your 3lb baby for the first time. finally holding his tiny little body days later. spending those long nights in the NICU with other moms & dads for about a month while recovering from a c-section. he missed out on all those moments we could have shared together. so i sobbed in his arms for longer than i imagined i would. i'm not sure if those feelings will ever get any easier but glad that he has been home with us for exactly a year now. watching our son grow up into a toddler, and sharing new moments together. like this afternoon: he had said "i love you" to him and Beau responded back "i love you". normally when i ask him i normally get a "muah" response. but with daddy he gets the real thing. moments i love to watch, remember and hopefully make up for past memories missed out on.