January 17, 2014
soon. everything is going to change again. even though it's not much of a big change because he's been gone for the past 7 months anyways. but this time there will be a great deal of water in between us. somehow being away and still in country is worse than being overseas, because there is always an option to fly back home, if even for a day. still, for some reason my mind keeps pushing these thoughts back. that he is going to graduate from his course, come back and we will get used to our old routine again and he will be right there with me as we finish up the last months of this pregnancy.
if only that were true.
soon. i'll be taking all those birthing classes by myself and understanding the fact that he won't be there to hold my hand. that i will be solo bringing our first baby into this world, with my husband trapped to watch it from a computer screen. to not hold the little one for the first time and hear it's screams truly. to witness one of life's finest miracles that God has given us.
soon. reality is going to hit me straight in the face and i'll finally realize i'm going to be a single mom with my first newborn at home. with a dog to feed and play with. with dishes, laundry, food, and bottles to clean. without any physical support from my husband.
soon. the days will pass into months. with me trying to capture each and every moment to share with him, trying not miss any of those "first" moments. and before you know it, i'll finally be standing there waiting for my solider to get off that bus and hold his first born in his arms for the first time. and then at that point, my heart can truly relax. for my family will be at home together at last.