week twenty three

this week was a little better than last for me. i went crazy on preparing for our little one. checklist after checklist. to-do list keeps getting longer. but on saturday night i went out shopping for a bit. spent way more than i should have but still. i have all the things i need to pack a diaper bag (whenever i finally purchase one) and stocked up on more diapers thanks to couponing. i have 11 jumbo packs and four big boxes sitting in our bedroom/nursery that i have spent probably less than $75 for total. plus the husband had a "diaper fiesta" held for him last friday and he came back with a haul as well. let's hope i don't have to get too many more diapers for a while, well until they are into sizes 3's and 4's.

a dear friend of mine just had her little baby boy and i got to visit them in the hospital the day after he was born. walking into labor & delivery, things started to become real and all i kept hearing in my head is "this will be you in just under 4 months" over and over again. holding their little one, i still can't believe i'll have a babe that big already and beautiful. they let me be a fly on the wall for an hour or two as the nurses came in and out to check on momma and the baby. daddy was as proud as could be, and as i walked back to my car after the visit, i broke down. realizing that my husband won't be able to share in all those same excitements, there to kiss their forehead, hold them when i need a break and fall sleep on his chest. reality sucks.

sunday morning i attended a church i've been to a couple times. it's held in an old opera house. a gorgeous place. as they finished up worship with a couple songs, another woman just around my age. whom i've never met before, came up to me and gave me the hugest hug. she didn't let go. i broke down. i needed that hug more than i thought i would. all emotions just came rushing forward. i couldn't control my tears. dang hormones. i was so thankful for her to reach out to someone she has no idea about and offer that. i left church that day feeling better, knowing no matter what things are going to be okay. regardless of the horrible timing we are having this year between my husband leaving and our baby coming into this world. each day is still a miracle and we can't take it for granted.