April 15, 2014

first week


our little man has made leaps and bounds his first week of life. after one night he had the tube that was down is lungs removed and was put on a cpap for help to keep his lungs open. within a couple days he was moved to the oxygen help you see in the picture, but was truly breathing on his own. from day one, i started pumping and was able to over produce for him to start gavaging through a feeding tube, which was once in his mouth, but moved to his nose so he wasn't gagging on it. all of his IV's were taken out and he was no longer on antibiotics.

the day after he was born, i was able to hold him. with my parents and my sister in the room and my husband on facetime, i held my little man. all of those emotions just came rushing in. he is actually here. he is in my arms. he's alive and breathing. there isn't a single thing wrong with him. he is perfect in every which sort of way. but yet he daddy isn't here. able to hold him in his arms, feel his little arms and legs stretch out, watch as he opens and closes his eyes. i started to cry and couldn't seem to stop, which got everyone else in the NICU room teary eyed too. as i laid in my bed that night, i woke myself up from a dead sleep. tears streaming down my face. i wasn't upset i was no longer pregnant. i was actually more than thrilled, a relief. i just had a huge wave of guilt rush over me. here i am posting picture upon picture, taking endless videos and sharing them all with my husband. while he sits a world away staring at a computer screen with no other option but to just look at his son. i wanted with every bone in my body for him to be here with us.

as i watched late one night, while a new baby was brought into the room, and seeing their mother and father there together. the father giving his wife soft kisses on the forehead as she held their baby in their arms. then watching that same father get to hold their little one and seeing that gentle smile appear on his face. i missed my husband. and i cried again, holding our little man in my arms, alone.

it's been hard first week. an endless roller coaster of emotions and tears, what seems to now be just small naps throughout the entire day, and a never ending supply of tiny poopy diapers to change. every single time when i walk into his room and see him laying there, i can't believe he is really mine. forever. it's a crazy feeling and his life as only begun. happy first week of life little man.

11 comments:

  1. Whit, you are beyond AMAZING. I can't even begin to understand what you're going through but know I'm praying for you and your hubby and of course your new bundle of joy. He'll be home soon enough to hold him and your tears will be a distant memory. Deployments suck.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your little man is absolutely adorable. I know how upsetting and stressful your precious boy being in the NICU is. My son was there for a week and had the CPAP and was fed through a tube, too. I can't imagine how hard it is not having your husband there with you, but just stay strong for that baby. Your husband will be home before you know it. and CONGRATS! again (:

    ReplyDelete
  3. This post just gives me chills all over!! I can't imagine what you have been through and how hard it must have been and still is with our your love there with you!!! Hang tight girl, he'll be home soon enough and it will all have been a blur on how long he was away!! Your doing an amazing job!!!! Congratulations again MommA!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm always in awe of the strength that some families have to start or expand their family before a deployment starts. I don't think I could have ever been pregnant without my husband coming home every night. You are a strong woman and an amazing mother already and you're doing everything within your power to include your husband in this momentous occasion. I'm sure he'll always appreciate your efforts. BIG HUGS!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Whit, I admire your strength & grace. I'm in awe of the sacrifice that you & your husband are making on a daily basis. I've been thinking about the three of you nonstop. Does your husband get any leave time while deployed?

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are absolutely amazing!!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. He's the most precious, sweet thing I've ever seen! I'm so happy that he is healthy and growing! I would give anything for you to be able to bring your husband Home to meet his baby.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh momma I feel your pain. My husband and I are both in the military and he had just left to be out of town for a few weeks for training when I was admitted the day after he left and had our little boy almost 7 weeks early. He was able to make it back but for just 24hr before having to go back. The NICU is tough but it's harder when it's just you. We are pregnant with baby #2 and he is deployed overseas so I'm not sure he will make it back for the 2nd birth. I feel for you. Your doing an awesome job keep your head up and keep sending daddy those pics and videos. Congrats

    ReplyDelete
  9. Girl.. I just want to tell you that your strength is incredible. Giving birth to a baby with your husband deployed is one thing. But doing it when your little one comes so early... that's an entirely different thing. Thank goodness for that technology.. but it's just not the same. Stay strong mama! He's beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I can not imagine going through everything that you've been through alone. You are so strong. Beau is lucky to have such an amazing momma!

    ReplyDelete
  11. You're so strong! I can't imagine going through it all <3

    ReplyDelete