link). it's crazy to think that a year ago today i found out we were expecting. total surprise. though it wasn't planned, it wasn't not-planned for either. :) if you catch my drift. just wanted to "have fun" in my husbands words. well here i sit on that exact same couch, with a sleeping baby in my arms. one his daddy has yet to meet. i know i say that over and over again but i can't seem to help it. a large part of my heart aches when i see new daddies with their children. wondering how he will be with our son. he never got to witness my baby belly grow each and every day. he saw my baby bump a handful of times before he deployed. all those moments, i dreamed in my head never did play out the way i envisioned them to be.
a year went by so quickly. our lives have changed dramatically. i went from working full time with so much extra free time, to working part time and never having a moment to myself except for bedtime. but even then, i'm stuck in the house. i can't just leave to go have a couple drinks and dinner with friends after 7:30 pm. although i love being a mom, i love my free time too.
before we found out we were expecting, we thought we'd have four children. i came from a large family, and so did he. but after going through this pregnancy alone and raising our son for the last 6 months by myself. i'm starting to think one may be enough. as selfish as that may sound, i'm not sure if i'm cut out for having another. pregnancy is hard on your body, and even after baby is born. my body just isn't the way it once was. my hips never seemed to shrink back and it's going to take me at least a good couple months (if i stick to it) to get my stomach back. i see all these mommas with multiple kids and wonder how in the world did they do it? can i be half as good as them?